Good Enough

After three naps, icing my feet and my knees, foam rolling, eating almost an entire bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips, an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids, and six donuts, and then dealing with a food hangover the next day….I’m finally feeling back to normal after the race. I actually felt like running today. Instead I did 35 minutes on the elliptical because I’m having some toe problems.

It kinda feels like my toenail is going to come off but the nail isn’t bruised and my toe is swollen. So it’s different from all the other times I’ve lost toenails. Luckily, soccer makes all pain disappear (running, on the other hand, amplifies all pain times 10, hence the elliptical) and I had no problems during practice yesterday, only afterwards.

I’m basically super productive today because I worked out, cleaned the entire apartment, showered, made lunch, and got started on dinner all before noon. I’m making lemon chicken for dinner, which always makes me feel a bit nostalgic because it was essentially the first “real” meal I ever made.

 

Sunday I was reminded of something about myself and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Nothing is ever “good enough” for myself. People always tell me its a good thing because it means I’m driven and such, and I agree. Still, I think its good to appreciate progress made along the way, which I kind of don’t. I accepted my half marathon performance for less time than it took for me to walk like a normal person again. In no time I was complaining to John about what a horrible runner I am while he tired, when he could get a word in, to convince me that I am not.

It’s not uncommon for me to receive compliments at soccer practice, especially from one of the players who I consider to be probably the best player on the team. Yesterday he was complimenting me quite a bit and my first thought…Is he somehow making fun of me? Haha. Really, I couldn’t just take a compliment. And the worst part is…I KNOW I’ve been playing well lately. But to me, its not good enough.

I remember when I finally broke a 7:00 minute mile. The first thing I said was, “Now I’ve gotta get 6:30.” All of a sudden, a 7:00 minute mile seemed miniscule.

I’m really going to try to be happier with my accomplishments. It’s good to keep having bigger goals but not when you can’t recognize and be proud of smaller accomplishments along the way. No, my half marathon time of 2:23 isn’t even close to my ultimate goal of sub-2 hours. But its pretty good for my first time, especially given the weather conditions. My next half probably won’t be under 2 hours either but it’ll be better. And there’s a lot to be said for improving.

Patrick Henry Half Marathon Race Recap!

 

My very first race recap, aw! Let’s begin, shall we?

John and I drove down to Ashland, Virginia Friday afternoon. We went to the YMCA to pick up our shirts, bibs, and timing chips (which happened to be attached to the back of our bibs). Then we drove over to the race start to check out parking for the next day. After a quick stop at Subway, we went to our hotel and relaxed. And by relaxed I mean took intimidating pictures in our new shirts…

 

I was super nervous the night before, mostly about my time. I told John that I didn’t even care if I walked as long as I got a good time (then I realized that I would still go crazy wondering what my time would’ve been if I hadn’t walked). I finally fell asleep around 11:00.

We woke up at 5:15, got ready, ate some peanut butter on bread, and headed out. I wasn’t too nervous anymore, just ready to get it going. There wasn’t a line for the port ‘a potties at all so I decided to check my bag first. It took all of 5 minutes but by the time I went back to the bathrooms, there was a really long line. We waited in line for 20 minutes and then it was almost time to start.

Typically they start the race with a real cannon but for whatever reason, this year they used a train whistle, which I didn’t even hear. We started off really well and the first mile seriously flew by. I couldn’t believe it when my Garmin beeped at me. Not long after that though, I got the worst side stitch I’ve ever had. I eventually had to walk for a while. A nice lady checked to make sure I was okay, and I ended up finishing not too far behind her.

The side stitch lessened in intensity but lingered for the rest of the race. Things were back on track but by mile six, I wasn’t feeling as good as I thought I should be feeling. Because of lovely hurricane Irene, it rained on us the whole time. Therefore, I never really felt too hot and hadn’t been drinking any water. I started taking advantage of the water and Poweraid stations. Also, due to the hurricane, we were running into the wind almost the entire second half of the race. By mile nine, I was ready for the race to end. I remember actually feeling kind of sad that I wanted it to be over. All this time I spent working for it and I just wanted to finish. My feet were extremely blistered and my legs felt dead.

Finally there was only a mile to go. I started thinking about the fact that I was about to finish a half marathon and got a bit emotional. Even typing this out now, I feel so happy (I may or may not have cried when we headed back to the car after the race). During the race, when I realized I wasn’t going to do as well as I hoped, I became super disappointed and was worried I wouldn’t be happy at the end, so it was really nice to have positive feelings. John stayed with me basically the entire race, despite being a speed demon compared to me, but when we rounded the corner and saw the home stretch I told him to go ahead. I finished not too long after him in a sprint (or what felt like a sprint at that point, John said I didn’t look too fast) with a time of 2:23:29.

You can’t tell I’m completely drenched in this picture, but I am. So this isn’t the best written race recap ever, but I just wanted to get it all out while it was still fresh. I think I would definitely run this half again. The course was mostly level, aside from some horrible hills around miles 9-11, and all the volunteers were SUPER great being out there in the rain. There weren’t many spectators, which was a bit of a downer, but I’m sure the weather had something to do with that. We were emailed our results less than an hour after we finished. All in all, not the performance I wanted but I feel like I learned a lot and will definitely improve next time. Yes, I just ran 13.1 miles and want to do it again. :)

A Low Key Weekend (FINALLY) and Half Marathon Plan!

Three things I needed on Sunday.

John’s blackberry, used to navigate to the running trail because our Garmin was dead. My wrist Garmin, which I seriously don’t know how I ever ran without. And a cup of perfect hot chocolate made by our new Keurig. Really. John’s been obsessed with the Keurig since we got it. I think it’s nice, but I definitely don’t have a problem with regular coffee. I might be sold now. This cup was perfection.

So my first and last free weekend in months/for months is over. It was less exciting than I thought it would be. We had company Friday night and ended up sleeping in and just milling about most of the day Saturday.

We finally dragged our butts out of the house to get our fortunes told (nothing exciting) and find a place that will engrave Tungsten (mission success), and capped the night off with the most unhealthy grocery run ever in the history of the world. I thought about taking a picture of all the stuff we got for the blog but seriously, it was embarrassing. What’s even more embarrassing is that fact that we ate almost all of it by 10:00 pm.

Obviously Bagel Bites, red velvet cake, brownies and ice cream, Jones Soda, and chicken poppers are the perfect pre-run dinner. I got up early Sunday to run seven miles with some friends because John’s knee is messed up and he’s taking it easy until our half marathon. It was Amber and Jessica’s first seven mile run and they didn’t quite finish, so I ended up only logging six. I was a little disappointed but I came home completely wiped out and even took a nap, which I rarely do. Running is so funny. How can I stay out until two in the morning the same day as my ten mile run but come home and crash after six? Also, my knee was killing me and calf was really tight after six but I hardly had any issues after the ten. Oh well…

Okay. Now for what I really want to talk about. Half marathon game plan. I don’t really have one. I know I should shoot for negative splits and try not to come out of the gate too quickly but I’ve only manage consistent negative splits twice so I’m not going to try to revamp how I run on race day. I’ve heard that for races, you should set 3 goals; one completely obtainable, one moderately obtainable, and one that you’ll probably only reach if everything goes perfectly and God decides to put wings on your feet. Overall, I would LOVE to finish 2 hours and 10 minutes. More realistically I’m shooting for 2 hours and 20 minutes. Definitely not over 2 hours and 30 minutes. So there it is.

Frustration, frustration! Frustration!

Imagine the title being sung like "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof.

Today I was ready to run. I was ready to improve on my time from Tuesday. And I didn’t. I headed out with grand thoughts of an awesome time and before I even got down the street I had to stop. My shoe was cutting into the back of my heel and it was bleeding on my shoe. This stared happening on Tuesday and I’m not sure why…I haven’t had any issues with these shoes before. I stopped to pull my socks up and kept going. Just as I leave my neighborhood I head up this steep hill. My knee started hurting but I kept going. By the time I had reached half a mile my knee was still hurting and the negative thoughts started creeping into my head. I started noticing how much my heels were hurting, how the front of my one of my toes was hurting after the skin came off during yesterday’s soccer game, and most of all I was noticing how my knee was hurting.

My knee hurts every time I run. It’s usually not an issue anymore and I haven’t used a knee brace (for running) in months. Today it seemed more prevalent. I started thinking about the ten miles I plan to attempt on Saturday and got nervous. I thought if it hurts this bad right now and I keep pushing, what if I can’t manage ten on Saturday? So, after a little over a mile, I stopped.

Before all these knee issues happened, I felt like I could push myself forever. I could run as fast as my legs would take me, no matter how much it hurt, without worrying whether or not I was doing damage to myself. When I was finally cleared to “jog” after my surgery, I went out like I’d never been gone. Needless to say, after not running for a year and having knee surgery, things just weren’t working like they used to. I had so many starts and restarts. I wised up and decided to follow the Couch to 5K plan to gradually ease myself back into running. It worked like a charm and a couple of months after finishing the program; I was running farther than I ever had before.

But I still feel ruined. I definitely have a different form than I used to have. I can’t push like I could before. Or maybe I can but I just don’t know it. Really, I have no idea what my limits are anymore. Before, any pain was temporary and never disabling. Now, sometimes my knee hurts so bad that I’m out for days. I thought I had beaten it running. I thought soccer was the only thing that really did a number on it anymore. But maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes I have to remind myself that less than a year ago I couldn’t even stand the elliptical all the time. I didn’t think I’d ever be playing soccer again.

I know I’ve come a long way but it doesn’t change the fact that I miss running with the ease I used to feel. I really took for granted that seven minute miles were the norm. Now I fight to stay sub-11. It’s extremely discouraging.

I decided to salvage my work out by spending 45 minutes on the stationary bike doing hills. I think it’s the first time I’ve been on the bike this year. I took my ipod. I don’t listen to my ipod while running so I didn’t have any new workout playlists ready and I had to just go with shuffle. Clearly my ipod must know me very well because every song was perfect. I felt much better after being on the bike (although I’m still a little bummed about my run). I spent some much needed time stretching (I didn’t stretch AT ALL after yesterday’s soccer game for some reason) and on my foam roller with a lot of IT band focus. Hopefully this will help my knee for this weekend.

PS-While in the gym a guy came in with his laptop! I’ve seen a lot of things at the gym-people bringing their kids to just run around and play while they work out, people hiking up the speed on their treadmill but then just holding themselves up with the handlebars and not really running, people wearing normal street clothes while working out-but this takes the cake. I thought about it later and maybe he had his workout on there but…couldn’t he write it down or print it out?

PPS-Please don't zoom in on my hairy legs in the above picture.

Just Do It.

Nike totally aced that one. Serious entry here. I completely, 100% believe in signs. Not like Mel Gibson, alien signs, but signs from...the universe, God, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. I have made many decisions based on signs. Today, I didn't make a decision based on a sign but a sign game me motivation and confirmation that I'm on the right track.

About two weeks ago, when I joined that second soccer team, I fell off the running wagon. That in itself is no big deal but I'm registered to run a half marathon in nineteen days. I have been on one run since I joined that team and it was a sad two miles followed by three miles of some unfocused speed work on the treadmill. Saturday I decided I had to start running again. I planned for five miles on Sunday but that didn't happen. Monday was soccer practice and with the knee issues I have I don't combine soccer and running on the same day. So today, Tuesday, was the day. I got up when John left for work, as usual, but this time I actually put on running clothes.

I sat on the couch drinking water and eating a snack while checking email, facebook, and some of the blogs I follow. A friend of mine is currently second place in a weight loss challenge in which the contestants blog about their progress. A lot of times things that should be a source of motivation for me are very discouraging. My friend has a lot of weight to lose. She has four kids and a job. And yet she is eating right and working out at least four days a week, including doing the Couch to 5K program which is what I completed this past January. Instead of thinking Man, she is awesome for doing all this, I should go work out right now because if she can do it, so can I! I think, Man, she is awesome for doing all this, and here I am on my freakin butt shoving Chex Mix in my mouth by the shovel full. I am so lame. This morning though, she had this on her blog:

Act AS IF

Act as if you're happy.
Act as if you're smart.
Act as if you're loving.
Act as if you're brave.
Act as if you're successful.
Act as if you're kind.
Act as if you're caring.
Act as if you feel peace.
Act as if you're healthy.
Act as if you always smile.
Act as if you're excited.
Act as if your life is great.
You do not have to have it yet to act as if you do.
You do not have to have it yet to feel as if you do.
Rise up each morning and imagine that you have it or feel it or own it or are it.
What would you do if you were thin or smart or successful or brave?
What would you do if you were kind or loving or honest or true?
What would you do if you felt excited about the life you have or want? What choices would you make? How would you be changed? How would you react to others?
What things would you do? How would you arrange your day? Where would you go? Whom would you talk to? How would you spend your time?
You don't have to live in the unhappy past, because the minute you decide to start to live every moment
AS IF you're happy
AS IF you're smart
AS IF you're healthy
AS IF you're kind
AS IF you're successful
AS IF you're brave
...is the moment your life starts to change.

~ Rozanne Paxman
 After reading that, I put down the computer, strapped on my Garmin and headed out the door. I don't have to be excited to run (I wasn't) but I know the feeling that comes after the run and I love it. I've worked REALLY hard to get to where I am running wise and all that hard work can be gone in just a few weeks.

After my run, I went to log it on dailymile and stopped over to See Meggie Run. Her post today was about fresh starts. It was exactly what I needed to read after my sub-par run this morning. My run this morning wasn't pretty. Aside from the first mile, it wasn't fun. But I did it. And this run will help me on future runs. My favorite run to date was my eight miler a few weeks ago. It wasn't particularly fast or easy but shoot, I ran eight miles before most people had gotten out of bed. And I didn't die. It was actually enjoyable. And I can't run eight miles if I can't run five miles and I can't run five miles if I never put on my running shoes and head out the door. So this morning, I finally did.

Man U vs FCB

Manchester United versus FC Barcelona. Awesome game.

PS-At the end of this post there will be a picture of the bottom of my left foot, specifically my pointer toe. It's kinda gross. Don't say I didn't warn you.